Friday, August 21, 2009

Resisting Temptation

No less than 4 weeks ago, I'm sure the words, "I have no willpower when it comes to food," came out of my mouth.
A major part of FXB is the diet. It's not a terrible diet, mostly just eating healthily, balancing carbs/proteins/fats and cutting out the bad stuff (read: sugar, alcohol, simple carbs, all the things I love in this world, etc.). The only thing that keeps me committed to this diet is that each week; we get a FREE day! Absolutely-whatever-we-want-no-holds-barred, FREE! However, the rule is that if you mess up during the week, you're not supposed to take your free day. I am proud to say that I have done really well; almost perfectly.
And then, it happened. As I was driving home from work this evening, there were people with posters standing outside a nearby strip mall. When I read the posters, I saw:

Free ice cream sandwiches!!

My thoughts during the next 3 milliseconds:
Stupid FXB! I looooove ice cream and free! Oh well, ice cream sandwiches are probably my least favorite ice cream option. I can handle...WAIT A TIC, KELLY; that sign said:

FREE ice cream SUNDAES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAMN! That could mean any number of things - whipped cream, maraschino cherries, delicious melty vanilla ice cream, caramel syrup and ( hot fudge.

It took everything I could to keep driving past the strip mall. All I could think was that my free day officially starts in 6 hours; I can fudge (mmmm, fudge) a little. But somehow, I kept driving. By the time I got onto my block, my arms were shaking and my breathing was shallow. Once I made it into the driveway I would be safe. Yes, I did consider driving past my house and going back.

But I didn't. I'll wait until tomorrow. I think.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What does happen when Chinese athletes don't win?

It is very rare that I (or probably anyone else who enjoys thinking) will pay attention to an email forward and even rarer that I send it on. I think my friends appreciate this. But every once in a while, something comes along that is so blindingly brilliant that it would be a disservice not to share it.
This particular forward was great because I have had about 99% of these thoughts at least once. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I've shared a few of my favorites below:

Random Thoughts of the Day:

· More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
· Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
· Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
· There is a great need for sarcasm font.
· I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
· I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
· Was learning cursive really necessary?
· How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
· I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
· Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
· I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
· Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
· Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
· It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
· I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Momma Says Mondays

My mom visit this weekend for shopping and her annual spa treatment (I get her a gift certificate every xmas just to prove that I'm a good daughter). She is one of the smartest, strongest women I know. Despite never having it easy, she has always given everything she could to her three girls. During her visit, I started thinking it might be fun to share some of mom's wisdom.

Let's kick it off with my all-time favorite:
"If you can't cook; he can't make you."

This is why she says (only half jokingly) she didn't teach me or my sisters how to cook. Sure, we learned the basics; how to boil water, microwave popcorn, burn toast. But anything involving chopping, mixing or sauteeing was not in her lesson plan.
Mom worked full-time, took care of three girls, ran the house and cooked dinner. Every. Night. So to her - giving her girls a better life meant that they wouldn't have to cook. I think she's a closet feminist as well.
As Sparky and I have done more and more cooking at home, I learn more about the great things you can create with food. Slowly, I have started to see the value (and teensy bit of enjoyment) in it - as long as it's a shared task.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Yes, Gifts are Expected

Recently, some of my tweeps were tweeting about how tacky it is to include registry information on wedding/shower invitations. I disagree with them but did not get involved in the convo. Normally, I would not shy away from arguing my point, but it's been my experience that normal, reasonable ladies will go bat-sh*t CrAzY over wedding etiquette. Have you ever seen the knot message boards?

Who said cash bar?!

As indicated above, I don't think it's tacky to include your registry information with your event invitation. For showers - fine, put it on the invite. For weddings - I don't necessarily think it's the best idea to put it on the actual invite. But I did (gasp!) include information on where to find our registries on an enclosure with our wedding invitations.

Here's my reasoning:
1) It is acceptable to tell people where you're registered if they ask. It's acceptable to post it on a wedding website that your guests look at it. How much of a leap is it to be proactive and spoon feed them the information?
2) Why not get what you want and can actually use. People want you to LIKE the gift they give you. How better to ensure that than to pick it out yourself! Just because you tell them what would best help you and your spouse start your lives together; doesn't mean your asking them to buy you a gift.
3) Say Auntie Maude doesn't give you a gift; you know you're going to b*tch to your mom/sister/bff. So really, you are expecting gifts; aren't you?
4) You registered for the $400 All Clad set (and if you didn't, you really should) and the $40 mixing bowl. Doesn't that imply that you would like someone to buy them? And therefore, from at least the majority of your guests - YOU ARE EXPECTING A GIFT.

With all that being said, the best gift from a wedding are the memories of having your friends and family with you to celebrate a wonderful day in your life. The stuff you registered for is definitely a close second though.