Haters Hatin'

Just when I was reveling in all the love I was getting last week; I discovered I have some haters (before my head could get too big).
Apparently, I've lost two Facebook "friends" in the last week. I have 303 FB friends (formerly 305). So while I do cast my net pretty wide; I'm not a crazy friend collector. A majority of my "friends" are people that I have spent time with at some point in my life. Some are still close to me but a lot of them are in my past. Doesn't mean I don't love to see what's going on in their lives. A few are brief acquaintances and yes, there are a couple that I have never met in my friggin' life but there's some kind of stretch of a connection there that obligated me to "friend" them.

First, I checked the obvious people - those that are most important to me. Then I checked the last group - those random people who might have realized they added me in some kind of stupor. Everyone is present and accounted for. So the two culprits are out there in that nebulous group. A friend I haven't connected with for a while. Someone who doesn't constantly post updates so I wouldn't noticed they'd gone missing. Did I offend them with my photos? Did I just annoy them with my posts about Hawkeyes and Glee? Why have I spent approximately 18 minutes trying to figure out who dropped moi? Why do I care?
On top of that - I got a shock on Twitter this evening (check me out @kellyclaire). Twitter's a little different - I follow quite a few people I don't know and a lot of them follow me back. People unfollow me and that's fine. I have no emotional investment in most of them. Plus, I'm not very witty (a major + in the geek community) or informative so I don't blame anyone for losing interest. But a friend of mine sent a tweet that  included a person I thought I followed - we'll call her @Susi (Disclaimer: if that twitter account exists - it is in no way associated with the account I'm talking about. At least, I don't think it is.).
When I saw my friend's tweet, I thought, "Hey - I haven't seen anything from @Susi in a while. I wonder if she stopped tweeting." Yes, I think in Twitter terms sometimes (I'm cool like that). I don't know @Susi personally but she kind of put her stuff out there - very personal, sometimes emotional tweets -  so she had an interesting feed.
So I clicked on her name and pulled up her page. To my surprise, the "Follow" button was on the page. This only shows up when you don't follow the person. "Well, that's silly. Maybe Twitter had a glitch and dropped some of my people. It happens." I proceed to click on the Follow button...

Blocked?! I got blocked?! That's what you do to spammers and super-annoying people. Not nice but not necessarily interesting people like me! Unfollow me - no biggie. But block me like some dirty porno spambot?? Really? What the eff did I ever do to you @Susi?
But what really pisses me off is that I actually spent a few minutes caring about any of this. Seriously - that makes me want to unfollow/de-friend myself. Why did I invest time wondering about people I didn't even notice went missing? Why am I writing this post? I've got awesome people in my real life who for whatever reason put up with me. So I'm over it. If I annoyed, offended or bored you in my internets life then I guess all I have left to say is; whatever bitches. Enjoy you're life without me - obviously I'll be fine without you!

Trippin' Kitties

Have you seen the latest commercial for Friskies cat food?

Uhhhhh...

I understand that they are trying to embrace the whole Alice in Wonderland and 3D trend but really? Really?!

A cat having what is obviously a drug-induced hallucination. I would like to meet the person who said, "Yes! Now that will move some product! No one is going to wonder if there is LSD in that can."

Now, I've been a sheltered nice enough girl that I've never been around anyone tripping on a hallucinogens. But I can still picture what this little kitty is doing in reality-land on his trip through "Adventureland." (Which; p.s., is the name of an amusement park just outside Des Moines.) Kitty laying on his back on the kitchen floor, rolling from side to side and occasionally swiping his paw through the air.

Wait a minute! That is what cats do! Maybe they are always having crazy visions about catching fish while in a fish-shaped boat. We should get some scientists on this.

Also - those turkeys in the beginning scare the beejeebus out of me. The first time I watched it, I thought they were going to kill the cat. Not that I'm a cat fan; but I certainly don't want to watch one get killed by a tribe of freaky turkeys.

Craft FAIL

I read a lot of blogs written by Craftees. People who restore Goodwill finds from the depths of hell, make artwork from materials that cost less than two dollars, go on baking sprees, cook things without using a recipe and just create all around fabulousness (I'm looking at you Poverty with a View and bigger, better, best). I'm jealous of them. I love that they post all kinds of great tutorials that I can follow but I want to be able to look at something, wave my magic Craftee wand and create something that people adore.

So imagine my joy when I spotted these pretties in the dollar bins at Michaels

and some V-day inspiration came to me. Why - I could spray paint these little frames a lovely shade of pink (because what could Craftee doesn't adore spray paint), throw some cutesy scrapbook paper in as a background and then cut out coordinating L, O, V and E letters. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Cuuuuute, right?!
Well, it sounded like a good plan. I picked out four frames and some hot pink spray paint. With my 40% off a full price item coupon, I spent less than $10. Woo-hoo!! Let's go!

Mistake #1 - the frames. Picture frames are easy to spray paint, right? You pop off the back take out the glass or plastic and go to town - no fuss. Unless you fail to check your frame construction and discover during craft prep that the back looks like this:

Excuse the blurry shot. I have unsteady and unmanicured hands.

So backing is attached and so is the plastic. Hmmmm...let me think about this. OK - so it's not as easy as it was supposed to be, but I can make this work. The filler paper (is there a technical term for that?) can be trimmed down to cover the plastic. Voila!

Mistake #2 - the paint. I found the perfect color among the selection at Michael's. It was a deep hot pink called Rhine River Rose. It was a Krylon H2O Latex paint. Spray paints are all the same, right? WRONG. In my case anyway. Even if I had googled "how to use latex spray paint" BEFORE I commenced my disaster-making ways, I would not have found anything to deter me from the path I was about to go down. No one else seems to have a problem with this paint. In fact, every blog/website sings it's praises - "it's low VOC," "you can use it indoors," "it dries so quickly," "mistakes clean up with soap and water." No one has written, "Latex spray paint will turn your Valentine's Day craft into a gooey, sticky mess like this:"

This picture doesn't do justice to the epic disastrousness I created.

That's a little better.

"And because won't even be dry a full day later OR wash off with soap and water, you will have hot pink fingertips for three days." Nope - everyone else seems perfectly fine with it.

OK - so mayyybe I shouldn't have painted in the garage in sub zero temps. Since it is low-VOC paint - I probably could have used the slightly warmer if slightly more dungeony basement. Maybe the right temperature would help the paint dry.

Mistake #3 - the paper. As you may notice in the above pictures, the brilliant idea of using paper to cover the parts that needed spray paint protection did not work. Because, genius, what happens when coated paper gets wet? It curls up. Good call on that one.

I'm going to give it one more try before I trash the project. I am going to attempt to re-paint in the basement in hopes that the "quick dry" claims exist in the recommend temperatures. I will attempt to wash the spray-painted clearness with soap and water. If that works, I'll store them away and deal with the paper next year. If not, I'm sure I can buy what I'm looking for at Target.

Birthdays and Black Eyes

My birthday is quickly approaching. While trying to decide how to celebrate, I have been thinking about birthdays past. One party from a few years ago is reason to follow the tidbit for this installment of Momma Says Monday. Let's take a look back...

My friends and I were discussing what we should do for my 26th birthday; over beers, naturally. I threw a party bus out there (yes, I decided that my friends should get me a party bus for my birthday. Narcissistic much?) and we thought that sounded like a great idea. A little research and a few phone calls later and we were ready to roll.

During the pre-party, what would prove to be a fateful prophecy came from some of the avid Arrested Development fans, including myself, Sparky and my sister, Libby. While talking about the (dearly missed) TV show, the topic of "hop-ons" came up. We related the episode to our adventures to come that evening and warned everyone, in the words of Michael Bluth giving advice to George Michael on driving the stair car,

"Be sure to watch for hop-ons. You're going to have some hop-ons."

Fast forward several bars and many beers later; a bus full of couches (yes, couches) and fairly intoxicated twenty-somethings rolled into the last bar for the night - Miss Kitty's. Some of the group headed into the bar straight-away but several remained on the bus to finish additional beverages.

Then, a not-so-gentlemanly-and-verrrrry-drunk young man boarded our craft. Seeing this, Sister Libby recalled the "rule" we had established earlier in the night and quickly sprung into action. She attempted to inform our new guest that we were no longer accepting RSVPs for party and asked him to remove himself. However, I believe all that came out of her mouth was, "It's a hop-on! NO HOP-ONS!! NO HOP-ONS!!"

The next part is still a bit of a mystery to all witnessed/experienced it. And, none of us - especially me - are entirely credible sources. It seems that several of us jumped in behind Sister Libby as she berated the guy off the bus. She did not feel that he had quite gotten the message even after he had left and continued to communicate this to him after he had started to walk away. From what I remember, he did not appreciate this and he grabbed her and shoved her against a nearby (parked) vehicle. Did I mention that Libby is my younger sister?

Here's an equation for you... birthday girl + far too many drinks + hop-on man throwing sister against a car = x

X = an enraged, drunken big sister who immediately proceeds to rush to the rescue. That is, if rescue includes yelling profanities in the face of the d-bag who did this - only to be tossed to the ground by him. And by tossed, I mean grabbed by the shoulders and thrown to the concrete, head first.

Libby was shaken up but alright. The birthday girl, on the other hand, came to with my head in my friend's lap staring up at their stricken face. Oh, and with pain shooting through my head. I'll spare you the exact words I was babbling as I tried to determine if I was going to die in the bar parking lot. My friends assured me I was ok and got me back on the bus (during this time, our new *friend* had been tracked down by some of the gentleman accompanying us and received a stern talking to).

Then the ambulance showed up. And the police. I was questioned about the incident but between my partying and what-turned-out-to-be-a-concussion; I was completely incoherent. Nice. After checking me over, it was determined that the growing lump on my forehead warranted a trip to the hospital. Sparky and I were newly engaged at the time so as they strapped me onto the ambulance bed and started to pack me in, I was calling out, "What about my fiiiiiaaaanceeee! I can't leave without my fiiiiaaaanceeee!" Seriously.

The last thing I really recall about that night is hearing the EMTs call me in to the hospital as an "intoxicated white female with a head injury." To which my response was, "Ohhhh noooo. It's my biiiirrrthdaaayyy. I get to be int...intoxss...intoximicated," followed by tears of embarassment and sorrow about my "ruined" birthday (at least I still knew enough that this was embarassing - that's a good sign I suppose).

After a trip to the ER, I was sent home with a mild concussion. I sported a lovely bump and very black eye for a few weeks. Those eventually faded. But I'm pretty sure the limited memories and my feelings about hop-ons never will.

Yes, Gifts are Expected

Recently, some of my tweeps were tweeting about how tacky it is to include registry information on wedding/shower invitations. I disagree with them but did not get involved in the convo. Normally, I would not shy away from arguing my point, but it's been my experience that normal, reasonable ladies will go bat-sh*t CrAzY over wedding etiquette. Have you ever seen the knot message boards?

Who said cash bar?!

As indicated above, I don't think it's tacky to include your registry information with your event invitation. For showers - fine, put it on the invite. For weddings - I don't necessarily think it's the best idea to put it on the actual invite. But I did (gasp!) include information on where to find our registries on an enclosure with our wedding invitations.

Here's my reasoning:

1) It is acceptable to tell people where you're registered if they ask. It's acceptable to post it on a wedding website that your guests look at it. How much of a leap is it to be proactive and spoon feed them the information?

2) Why not get what you want and can actually use. People want you to LIKE the gift they give you. How better to ensure that than to pick it out yourself! Just because you tell them what would best help you and your spouse start your lives together; doesn't mean your asking them to buy you a gift.
3) Say Auntie Maude doesn't give you a gift; you know you're going to b*tch to your mom/sister/bff. So really, you are expecting gifts; aren't you?
4) You registered for the $400 All Clad set (and if you didn't, you really should) and the $40 mixing bowl. Doesn't that imply that you would like someone to buy them? And therefore, from at least the majority of your guests - YOU ARE EXPECTING A GIFT.

With all that being said, the best gift from a wedding are the memories of having your friends and family with you to celebrate a wonderful day in your life. The stuff you registered for is definitely a close second though.