Friday, January 29, 2010

Tory Burch, Will You Be My Friend?

Dear Ms. Burch
Can I call you Tory?
Well, Tory, I saw your tweet about your one of a kind Barbie that is being auctioned on Ebay to benefit CFDA. The outfit you have designed is FAB.U.LOUS (as per usual).

Since you're obviously interested in charity, I was wondering if you would take on another one. It's not a widely known cause but it's certainly worthy. Plus I happen to know that it's benefactor would truly appreciate your generosity. Curious yet? It's me.

It won't be tax-deductible, but if you could donate a human size version of this outfit (and I mean real human - not model human) to me I would promise to rock it to the best of my ability. And, Tory, if you like the sound of this project we can certainly expand into revamping my ENTIRE wardrobe. If you need a walking billboard for your clothes, shoes and accessories - I'm your girl!
In return, I would be happy to do some of the following:

-wear a "This outfit brought to you by Tory Burch" sign every day
-mention your clothes at least once in every conversation I have
-blast emails and constantly update my facebook/twitter with what Tory Burch outfit I'm wearing
-tattoo your logo on my forehead

But if you have other ideas, I'm open to those as well.
I hope you will considering donating to this deserving cause. In the meantime, I'll just keep drooling over Reva flats. Best of luck with the auction!

Warmest regards,


Monday, January 25, 2010

Wait - I'm not wearing pantyhose

This next little gem for Momma Says Mondays didn't come from my mom. It came one of the girls who lived on my dorm floor freshmen year (the prestigious prominent legendary facility commonly known as Dirty Burge at the University of Iowa - another story for another time).

"Pantyhose are the difference between class and trash."

Granted, this was 10 years ago, and it sounded dated at that time. It's funny how standards change over time. Waaaay back, showing your stockings was cause for alarm. Can you imagine causing scandal with your legs?! Now, nip slips and even hoo-hoo flashings are a perfectly acceptable part of pop culture.
For me, the determing factors in pantyhose are usually the shoes I'm wearing and if I need a little extra help in key areas. But this statement always makes me pause (not for long) when I consider not wearing pantyhose. If I had never heard it, I don't think I would ever give the presence or absence of pantyhose a second thought. But because I have, I am always checking (and judging; just a little).

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I just completed a two session calligraphy class for beginners at the lovely Ephemera Design. I'm not so sure it's for me. It requires patience and preciseness - two things I definitely lack. While I appreciate the beauty of the fonts and the skill used to create them, I just don't know if I have enough desire and respect for it.
The font we learned was Uncial. According to our instructor, there are a LOT of rules to writing with it. Size, spacing, strokes is all too much for my right hand to handle.
I threw out the rules to writing in cursive as soon as I could. I've been writing like a doctor ever since. So, during our second class, when the instructor asked if anyone wanted to show their homework, I shrunk down in my seat like the naughty kid in the class. Now don't judge - I did my homework. It just looked less like this:

and more like this:

It was pretty bad. I think the instructor actually gave up on me. She helped some of the other ladies in class perfect their letters. Whenever she walked by me she would watch for a minute and then discreetly drift away. While I definitely enjoyed it, I don't think I'll be listing my calligraphy services on craigslist any time soon.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Momma Says Mondays

I'm bringing it back! Momma says Mondays is here again.
This particular quote is not so much advice - just a little fun. My mother came of age (really? what does that even mean?) in the 60s and 70s. So she was at the best age during the best decades of the 1900s. This is also the time when she met and fell in love with my dad, who was a professional musician at the time. So let's see... a single lady in an era known for the parties and craziness with a musician's no surprise that I didn't come along until she was 32.
Several years ago, as my sisters and I started to enjoy our 20s, we began to realize how much potential for fun our mom would have had. I don't think we'll ever know the extent of that fun because whenever we ask for specifics about the decades of free love and disco, we get the same response:

"Hmmmm... I have gaps."

This statement is followed by a small smile and giggles. Then, nothing - she won't budge. The closest we have ever gotten to more information is, "I didn't inhale."
Keep in mind, she raised girls that are (reasonably) well-behaved. She made it through our teen years with only a few "incidents." Now, it would be perfectly safe for her to tell us about her potentially shady past. But I suppose after 20-some years of giving your life to your children, it's nice to have some memories and things that are still your own.
Which means, there is a lesson here - there's nothing wrong with keeping a few things sacred, or, just secret.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Panty Raid!!!

What would you think if you were asked to sort through a variety of tangled bras and undies while 57 other people did the same thing around you?
Several times a year, thousands of women forget their dignity and pack themselves into a certain lingerie chain's stores and dig through tables of plastic bins filled with unmentionables. They burrow to the bottom of one bin, claim their treasures and move onto the next. These women are like hundreds of crazed squirrels dig for nuts. But instead of searching through dirt and grass they untangle bra straps and set thongs flying all in the name of a semi-annual sale.
I suppose that is the price to pay when you're getting a deal. It always seems a little depressing to me - like the Goodwill without the musty smell and horrible flourescent lights.
But - a sale is a sale and strange or not - I'll fight you for the cute bras in the 36C bin.

Friday, January 8, 2010

No Excuses

I've been avoiding this post for a long time (obviously). A few weeks turned into a month, which turned into two months which turned into a bunch of excuses - planning a trip for work is taking all my time, the holidays are far too crazy, I've only seen this episode of The Office three times before so I better make sure I don't miss anything...
Then; I was going to get really crafty. To my knowledge, I have no blog visitors/followers at this point so I was going to write a bunch of posts and give them dates in the past so, if/when I do start having thousands of followers, I will look like the prolific blogger I would like to be. Sneaky, right?
Actually, I'm sure real bloggers do it all the time. But for a minute I thought it was pretty clever.
I'm too lazy honest for that though. So, I'm going to start fresh and hopefully be a bit more disciplined in my approach to blogging. Maybe then I'll start accumulating those thousands of followers I'm going to have.